I am not married yet, so I have not said those words to anybody.
Yet, I am one who has been through a series of mishaps when it comes to affairs of the heart. I have had a fairly long line up of broken hearts and dreams trailing my path from years I could not even remember. And that makes me wonder whether I am a victim or the culprit of situations.
Yesterday, I was having a conversation with my friend. We've gone through almost the same situations and we end up being alone in our corner of the world. Our conversation became very animated as we tried to get a grip of what may be missing in ourselves...us being who we are...and why are we still single now that we've crossed mid-life.
There were several permutations we've gone through...blame our parents for the way they raised us...blame our (ex) partners because they can't understand us...blame everybody and anybody...everything and anything...but us...
What I realized after such animated conversation is that there is nobody else to put to task on all of this except myself. I firmly believe that, with God's guidance, we create the life we live; that every decision we have made in the past has brought us to where we are right now.
There is nobody else responsible for my life except myself.
With that humbling epiphany, I now face life with a different perspective. I promise to be more understanding by trying to put myself in the shoes of the other person. I will be more humble and more loving.
I thank God for such realizations!
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Stand By Me
I just finished watching the film 'Stand By Me'
directed by Rob Reiner. It was an adaptation of
Stephen King's novella "The Body". It was one of those
films that I want to watch repeatedly because it makes
me look back at my childhood and the friends I had
while growing up.
Growing up in a small town in northern Philippines was
swell. Weekends and summer are the best times of the
year. We would play from sunrise to sunset, sleep over
at the house of friends and scare each other with
ghost stories.
We would ride around town on our bikes and would get
our fair share of our neighbor's mangoes, guavas,
sugarcane, and more. Of course, our neighbors didn't
know about it.
We would tease to death one of the youngest in the
group who had his share of "batok" and "sipa" from us.
But most of all, we would take care of each other;
make sure that each one has had his fill of the day's
lunch/snacks/dinner.
Then again, we do grow old and go on with our lives,
separately.
Save for one, I have not seen most of my friends for
more than a decade or two. Most them are already
married. One, I heard, is separated from his wife.
Another one is now teaching at a famous university in
Manila. My best bud is now doing very well in the US.
Yet another I will never see again having died in a
motorbike accident.
Needless to say, the memories of my childhood keep
playing in my mind, sometimes loudly, but most often
quietly.
But it is those childhood thoughts that I go back to
and rewind to get some quiet time, peaceful moments,
after a hectic, frustrating day at work. Those
afterthoughts make me realize how lucky I am for
having lived the best days of my life in our small
town.
The film ended with the main character (now a writer)
writing:
"I never had friends later on like the ones I had when
I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?".
That made my day!
directed by Rob Reiner. It was an adaptation of
Stephen King's novella "The Body". It was one of those
films that I want to watch repeatedly because it makes
me look back at my childhood and the friends I had
while growing up.
Growing up in a small town in northern Philippines was
swell. Weekends and summer are the best times of the
year. We would play from sunrise to sunset, sleep over
at the house of friends and scare each other with
ghost stories.
We would ride around town on our bikes and would get
our fair share of our neighbor's mangoes, guavas,
sugarcane, and more. Of course, our neighbors didn't
know about it.
We would tease to death one of the youngest in the
group who had his share of "batok" and "sipa" from us.
But most of all, we would take care of each other;
make sure that each one has had his fill of the day's
lunch/snacks/dinner.
Then again, we do grow old and go on with our lives,
separately.
Save for one, I have not seen most of my friends for
more than a decade or two. Most them are already
married. One, I heard, is separated from his wife.
Another one is now teaching at a famous university in
Manila. My best bud is now doing very well in the US.
Yet another I will never see again having died in a
motorbike accident.
Needless to say, the memories of my childhood keep
playing in my mind, sometimes loudly, but most often
quietly.
But it is those childhood thoughts that I go back to
and rewind to get some quiet time, peaceful moments,
after a hectic, frustrating day at work. Those
afterthoughts make me realize how lucky I am for
having lived the best days of my life in our small
town.
The film ended with the main character (now a writer)
writing:
"I never had friends later on like the ones I had when
I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?".
That made my day!
Thoughts from the heart...
Funny how life usually turn out to be. One day we're
on top of the world, being joyful of whatever comes
our way. The next day, we feel like we are down in
the dumps reminiscing the glory days of the past or
wishing that things were different from what we are
currently experiencing.
But we shouldn't be judged when we are in the summit
of our glory or in the deepest valleys of our sorrows.
We should be judged as to how we come out and live
our life inspite of the glory or despite all the
sorrows we experience. It is in the living and the
reaching of the goals that defines our life.
I opened the RBC website just now and I turned to the
21 April 2007 edition . It talks of the experience of
Nora Desmond, the main character in the musical
Sunset Boulevard (played by Glenn Close in the Broadway run).
Nora Desmond died tragically because she was not able to live
life as it should be - live life today and not base on past
glories.
I am thankful that I have been given the chance to be
where I am right now. It may not be the best of all
situations but it is far more better than where I was
before. Agree that there are more stressful moments
this time and sometimes I long for a more simple
existence. But in doing so, in pining for a life
lived differently, I feel like I am mocking the Lord's
gift to me.
But I wouldn't venture into comparing my lot to what
other people are experiencing because that may be a
gift from the Lord as well.
Anyway, I may not be in a much better state of
emotions at this time. But then again, I know that
these too shall past. I am looking forward to the
rest of the day, and would try to live it in a manner
that will give more glory to our maker.
on top of the world, being joyful of whatever comes
our way. The next day, we feel like we are down in
the dumps reminiscing the glory days of the past or
wishing that things were different from what we are
currently experiencing.
But we shouldn't be judged when we are in the summit
of our glory or in the deepest valleys of our sorrows.
We should be judged as to how we come out and live
our life inspite of the glory or despite all the
sorrows we experience. It is in the living and the
reaching of the goals that defines our life.
I opened the RBC website just now and I turned to the
21 April 2007 edition . It talks of the experience of
Nora Desmond, the main character in the musical
Sunset Boulevard (played by Glenn Close in the Broadway run).
Nora Desmond died tragically because she was not able to live
life as it should be - live life today and not base on past
glories.
I am thankful that I have been given the chance to be
where I am right now. It may not be the best of all
situations but it is far more better than where I was
before. Agree that there are more stressful moments
this time and sometimes I long for a more simple
existence. But in doing so, in pining for a life
lived differently, I feel like I am mocking the Lord's
gift to me.
But I wouldn't venture into comparing my lot to what
other people are experiencing because that may be a
gift from the Lord as well.
Anyway, I may not be in a much better state of
emotions at this time. But then again, I know that
these too shall past. I am looking forward to the
rest of the day, and would try to live it in a manner
that will give more glory to our maker.
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